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of Greenfield, Massachusetts
Founded by Sandra Boston in 2000
QUOTES FROM GRADUATES
| "When I realized conflict was not about my self-worth, I could be in
any conflict without being afraid."
"I realized I matter, even if I have done something wrong." "Just because someone is mad at me doesn't mean I've done anything wrong." "I guess I have to decide whether I want obedient children or responsible children." "I have learned to be true to myself in conflict, to make boundaries with things I can't control, and to tolerate the differences with love instead of anger and judgment." "Previously, I was frozen in conflict, coping with anxieties but not addressing the source. I now can evaluate a problem and have a strategy to confront it rather than live with it." "This course has changed everything about how I communicate with others.
The tools are excellent for building boundaries, as well as tearing down
walls."
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"This course is interactive, experiential and practical - it works.
The instructor is very skilled and can not only give principles and tools,
but can apply them in the situations people bring to class, which is very
effective in helping us to apply them as well."
"I feel more grounded and in touch with my own needs and feelings, and value these as much as those of others - I matter!" "I have more clarity, skill and confidence, a framework to work with my gut feelings more smoothly with less anger. I'm not taking things so personally." "It is exciting to feel comfortable, eager to engage, and open to create possibilities when conflict arises." "This was the most affirming and life-altering workshop I've ever attended, and I've been to a lot!" |
SUGGESTED READINGS
Gordon, Thomas, Leadership
Effectiveness Training, or see same model for
teacher, parents by same author.
Rosenberg, Marshall, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Compassion.
Bradshaw, John, Healing the Shame that Binds You.
Covey, Stephen, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
Paul, Margaret, Inner Bonding
Mindell, Arnold The
Leader as Martial Artist and Sitting in the Fire
Kauffman, Barry, Happiness is a Choice
Tannen, Deborah, You Just Don't Understand
Fisher, Roger, Getting to Yes
Heider, John, The Tao of Leadership
Lerner, Harriet, The Dance of Anger
Psaris, Jett and Marlena Lyons, Undefended Love
Shem, Samuel and Janet Surrey, We Have To Talk
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
1. How can I study this if I do not live in Western Massachusetts?A: You can contact the CCI and see when a weekend model of the basic course is being offered. You can also purchase the album of three cassettes with workbook which contains classroom presentation of the basic course curriculum ($33 incl. Shpg). These tapes could form the basis of a local study group. The training for trainers is offered in a 4-5 weekend series specifically to accommodate those who live beyond driving distance.
2. What can I realistically expect to achieve in the basic course?
A: In 25 hours you will learn specific skills and when it is appropriate to use which one. It is like a carpenter filling his tool box with a variety of tools to cover any job. You will feel like no matter what is happening around you, you have an idea of what an effective response would be. You no longer feel stuck, frozen. However, a smooth application of the skills is a lifetime assignment, just as with any art. Practice, practice, practice. Every relationship becomes a laboratory. One of our most valued skills is the willingness to go back and request to do an interaction over again. Another is our internal map, which measures our success not by what the other person does, but by how we conducted our self, how we created understanding, how we built relationship, and finally how we addressed an issue. We call this a personal victory, which is possible to achieve even when the other person will not meet us with the same desire for respect and peaceful resolution.
3. I'm just so scared of conflict. I'm not sure I would have the stamina to learn how to take the stress and anxiety, let alone learn the skills. Is this course still for me?
A: Everyone comes to the course with a fear
of conflict. This is usually because in important early relationships we
experienced shaming along with differences. What we are really afraid of
is not the differences but the shaming. It was a powerful tool used to
get us to give up our ground (self-interest) for the sake of belonging
and being close to those we were dependent on. As we explore how to stand
our ground, we look closely at the anatomy of conflict. It is really just
a collision of our self-interest and our need to belong. Once we understand
this, we learn how to talk to our self and support our self-interest even
when another might be using shaming to get us to give up or give in.
We learn what a shame attack is and how to come out of it if we get caught
there. We talk about standing our ground without taking ground from the
other person or giving up our ground. We are developing the capacity to
tolerate anxiety in order to stay in the conflict so we can learn more
about what the needs of both parties are. We tell failure stories as well
as victory stories to each other every week, and use the class to learn
how to do it differently next time. You will have lots of support and compassion
from others as you struggle to gain your sea legs. And you always have
the option to pass in any class activity.